silence

going to Hope Church last night, coincidentally gave me hope for the rest of the summer. just the sheer beauty of worship was the first step. my soul was singing once again. then came a message of truth and words that tend to awaken the soul. what i learned was that God is telling us to keep climbing the mountain. He says keep climbing even when you can't see me, you can't hear me and when you may not even feel my very presence, but I am there with you and when you reach the top of the mountain, sit in silence and take in every bit of it and it is then that you will hear me. for it is in the discipline of our silence that God teaches us; it is in the silence that we hear him most clearly. God will show himself at the top of the mountain, where we will hear his voice and become completely and beautifully covered in his grace. the most beautiful sight is brokenness wrapped in grace.

one of my favorite verses is Exodus 14:14, "The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still." i love the picture this verse paints. the Lord will fight and climb our mountain, not for us, but with us and when we get to the top we must allow the silence to win us over, if we do this we will surely become victorious with what God wants to teach us.

Romans 5

Exodus 14:14

What God Wants

God wants all of me. Every part of me. But he doesn't just want me, he desires me. we always think we are the ones with the desires. God gave us desires, so we should desire him and we should, but our creator desires his creation, and there comes a time when he will take what desires he has given to us and fill our hearts with a sole desire for him. i can easily go ahead and say its happening to me. you know this is happening to you when your heart hurts for God and you physically and mentally feel weak. when i came home i couldn't figure out why God would take all my friends to different countries this summer, in other words, away from me! why would he keep me completely alone? it took nights of painfully lonely tears to realize he didn't leave me alone, he left me to himself.

knowing that i would have God to myself now with no distractions, you would think i'd be a saint or something by now. quite the contrary. God doesn't just want time, that isn't his entire goal, he wanted to isolate me, and take me away from the friends who so strongly pull the strings of my heart and weigh it down with their love and care. tearing me away from such people has ripped my heart in two jagged pieces. he wants to set fire to the life i'm living. but being in the midst of such a fire can only be taken in as a sign of unbelievable grace and mercy that only God the Father.

for you

they will not always see my heart smile
but he knows and i know
the joy that shines through the majesty in me
my reasons are not for you, so i try, but always forget
my reasons are not for me, so i try, but it always slips my mind
they are for Him, so i try to make them.

grace

grace steps over the horizon
walking into our beating hearts
breaks us down, steals our tears
and the confessions that lie under the skin
can now be seen
our days are numbered
so take this grace
and love with a passion like no other

Give Me Faith

this song is beautiful, the words are what we truly want God to do in our lives. This song is called "Give Me Faith" by Elevation Worship.

i need you to soften my heart

to break me apart

i need you to open my eyes

to see that you're shaping my life

all i am ,

i surrender

give me faith to trust what you say

that your good and your love is great

i'm broken inside, i give you my life

i need you to pierce through the dark

and cleanse every part of me

give me faith to trust what you say

that your good and your love is great

i'm broken inside, i give you my life

i may be weak

your spirit strong in me

my flesh may fail

my God you never will

give me faith to trust what you say

that your good and your love is great

i'm broken inside, i give you my life

i may be weak

your spirit strong in me

my flesh may fail

my God you never will

a worn out shoe is kinda what i feel like these days.
holes in the sole and dirt covering the surface.
they are pitiful and sad, but just look past that, promis me you will,
because were they've been is somewhat of an adventure.
this recent trail, you know what it's about, just look at
the perfect circles under my eyes and the weakness in my breath.
trying to stitch my heart down the middle, not only mine, but so many others.
this only made me feel as though the world were on my shoulders.
my tears have been few and dry, i haven't been able to do it, until last night.
on a tear stained shoulder i unleashed everything.
i need someone else to stitch my heart, and not just down the middle,
but on all sides. i do not have this kind of strength,
at least not in this fragile state.

and if i can

getting lost in my head

is what i'm good at

buzzing around

which color do i choose?

in this life

i go here and there

and if i can

i get lost in my soul

here i am me

and all else is lost

rainy days put a smile on my face

they are the quietest days

so when the silence fills my ears

only the buzzing of my thoughts

can be heard

and i think about the colors

in this life

i go here and there

and if i can

i get lost in my soul

here i am me

and all else is lost

all is lost

all is lost

a rolling tumbleweed i may be

but that's okay

i'm always changing

cause my curiosity beats me

te wind blows me between the colors

and all is lost

all is lost

in this life

i go here and there

and if i can

i get lost in my soul

here i am me

and all else is lost

imprisoned

finally feeling imprisoned
by what i believe
an answered prayer
finally able to walk away from myself
leaving me in the dust
and putting my soul on a cloud

i'll wait for you to whisper in my ear
i'll wait for you to touch my heart
i'll wait for you to tell me all the answers
cause Lord knows, i have none

all thats left are my footprints
but even them
the wind has swept away
there is no more of me
but filled with more of you
filled with mercy and love i am
walking away from myself

i'll wait for you to whisper in my ear
i'll wait for you to touch my heart
i'll wait for you to tell me all the answers
cause Lord knows, i have none

we cannot save ourselves
so lets leave us
wandering in the dust
lets put our souls on a cloud

i'll wait till night comes
i'll wait till the sun comes up
i'll wait till the end of my days
i'll wait till i don't have to wait anymore

Rooted and Alive

a transformation is what is happening
all to glorify the one who loved me first
he gave me the forgiveness i did not deserve
brought hope into the person standing here

i am rooted and alive
in Christ and Christ alone
all the days of my life
the roots are deep
deep down in my soul

it is all because of this rooted love
that He planted inside of me
it will never be uprooted
how could it?
what makes me alive is Him
the continuous love he pours into my soul

i am rooted and alove
in Christ and Christ alone
all the days of my life
the roots are deep
deep down in my soul

it can never be stripped away
it will never waver
the roots He has planted
in His children is different
but what makes us the same
is His blood running through our veins

rooted and alive
He planted this seed
oh my soul is alive
oh my soul is alive

gathered thoughts after a long week

this is what is allowing me to remain in my sanity during this week

i am rooted and alive in christ and christ alone for all the days of my life. a transformation is what is happening all to glorify the one who loved me first. who forgave the person i wasand brought hope in the person i have become. it is all because of this rooted love that He planted inside of me - it will never be uprooted. How could it ever? what makes me alive is Him. what makes me alive is the continuous flow of love He pours into my life. it can never be stripped and it will never waver. a love so strong has roots that will never budge - for God will never allow someone or something to dig up what He has planted within His children. what is rooted in the heart of the person standing next to me is different then he who stands across from him or next to her or to my other side and it is different than my heart. the roots are different but the love that runs through them is the same. they flourish a love that counts.